My true name is Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord, but I am more commonly referred to as Talleyrand. I was born in the beautiful city of Paris into one of the most prestigious and revered aristocratic families in all of Europe. My father was the great Charles Daniel, Comte de Talleyrand, a lieutenant general in the French army, and I being his oldest son, was destined to follow in his footsteps and emulate his military glory. But a childhood incident that resulted in a permanent limp deprived me of most physical activities, especially any hope for military success (…sniff). Ultimately, my father wished, or rather forced, me to be acquainted in the ecclesiastic affairs; even though I greatly despised the idea for that my father himself lacked the experience of priesthood. But naturally, I fulfilled my father’s request and attended many schools to refine my intellectual knowledge of the church and its affairs. Through a series of rapid promotions, I eventually became the appointed bishop of Autun and was sanctified the next year, just before the infamous French Revolution. With the establishment of the Estates-General in 1789, I was quickly made deputy and representative of the First Estate. By calling for confiscation of church property to fund the new government and supporting the Civil Constitution of the Clergy, I quickly became known as the “bishop of the revolution”. Much to the disgust of Pope Pius VI (Pope who?), I was excommunicated in 1790. In 1792, I was sent to England as an envoy to keep their country in a neutral state during the wars between the fellow neighbors of the French Empire. But my attempt was soon concluded as a failure as the French invasion of the Austrian Netherlands, the rise of the revolutionary mindset, and the execution of Louis XVI led to the inevitable participation of the British army. I was later condemned for being an émigré (great thanks to my fellow countrymen for your indictment), or a social exile, and was soon expelled from the British Empire.
I left England in 1794 and landed on the shores of the American Colonies. I visited vast parts of the young nation and mostly took my time speculating the lands of the new frontier. I returned to France in 1796, after the formation of the Directory, and was made foreign minister in July, 1797. I was forced to resign my position as foreign minister in 1799 due to suspicion for my commitment to the ideas of a republican government. From there, I became acquainted with the notorious Napoleon Bonaparte and soon served under him as his own foreign minister. But I was soon disgusted with his undeniable ambition and lust for war and I hastily sought to thwart my master’s plan for even greater dictatorial power. Suspicions of my plan soon arose and I was soon dismissed of my position. I was allowed to reside in my country estate and from there I began my acquaintance with Louis XVIII. As head of a revised government, I was an essential figure in the first process of restoring the French monarchy.
Again named the foreign minister (for like the billionth time), I was able to win the favor the Allies for the Bourbons and garner some favorable terms for France in the Peace of Paris. My brilliance (not being cocky…and I am like…super intelligent) was again evidenced by my ability to turn the victors against one another to my beloved France’s advantage. But my cunning deceit was stalled by the discontent of the Allies when France welcomed back Napoleon in the Hundred Days, and the state of France was returned to its prerevolutionary condition.
I spent the latter years of my profession as a prime minister and foreign minister under King Louis XVIII but like always (…sigh), I was dismissed of my position. I spent the remainder of my years as a member of the Chamber of Peers, and I most certainly always voted against the government. I have continued on in my last diplomatic affairs, encouraging Louis Philippe to seize the crown and then participating in the signing of the Quadruple Alliance of 1834 (with England, Spain, and Portugal), which secured Anglo-French alliance in support of the constitutional government in Spain against the Carlist rebels. This is my last and final achievement as a diplomat.
As of right now, I am residing my final days in the graceful beauty of Paris, reviewing my early years of priesthood and Roman Catholicism, and most importantly, teaching simple prayers to my beloved granddaughter Charlotte.
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